I. Am. The. Worst.
You would think that not training would leave me a lot of extra time to do things….like write, and do laundry. Wrong. Since the last time I have blogged, I have: worked like a dog on workdays, got sick, helped plan and run a rather large baby shower, had an echocardiogram, attended a three-day music festival, got sick again…all while trying to find my voice (still gone from Atlanta) and causing a buzz with that annoying heart monitor I was lugging around.
(Sayonara sucker!)
Keyword "was." That's right! My two weeks are finally up! I even wore a henley-style dress today (it's the smalls things guys). I never wish that annoyance (and pain, I feel bad for men with hairy chests) on anyone. It wasn't just the beeping noise that was annoying, it was the having to call every time I pressed the button, that killed me. I wish I could have just texted them. And the electrodes...I still have sticky residue from them. It's like they're made with gorilla glue or something.Anyways, tomorrow I head back to the cardiologist to hopefully get some answers. Since I haven't heard back from them about my echo, I'm assuming my heart physically looks fine.
I'm REALLY hoping he gives me the green light to start running again. I have 20 days until my next half marathon and I haven't run a single darn mile since September 9th. Regardless of wether or not I can run, I just signed up for the Spinx Half last night.
(Disclaimer, I'm about to have a transparency moment.) I mentioned in my last post about my terrible drive home from my cardiologist, and how it pained me to see every single runner that day. The first week, I would get so angry every time I saw a runner because in my mind I would say, "That should be me running! Why can't I run?!" I would get jealous of them. But then I thought, "Why am I beating up those runners, and myself up? It's not their fault I can't run. And it's not my fault that I can't run." The curses under my breath turned into loud cheers (I was in my car, no one heard me…I don't think) every time I saw someone running. If I saw a runner slow to a walk, I wanted so badly to yell, "You got this! You can do it!" Because that's what the running community is. We're about building each other up, and cheering for the strangers that cross the finish line. (That felt good to get off my chest.)
I've been asked if I'm nervous about going back to the doctor. Honestly, I don't know how I feel. I'm really hoping he has answers, or at least a plan of what he wants to do. Nothing aggravates me more when they don't have an explanation for something that obviously isn't normal. What I do know, is that I can be confident in knowing that God is in control. This is part of His perfect plan for me. I shouldn't be angry or upset with His perfect plan. I started to look at one of my Pinterest boards called "Words of Truth" the other week while I was in my angry phase. It's basically a board with Bible verses or quotes about God. The pictures and words reminded me of His promise.
(From 25.media.tumblr.com)
I leave you all with that. And I will try (really, I will) to be better about posting.
Things to pray for: Wisdom for my doctor and patience, as well as understanding, for me. And wether or not he gives me the okay to run, that I will depend on God for my strength.
Currently listening to: "Yellow Flicker Beat" by Lorde. Can't wait to run to this tune.
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