"On a Break"

"I'm going to need you to take a break from running for a bit…"




Those words dug into my heart like a knife, and with each runner I passed on my way home, the knife was twisted (and there seemed to be a lot more runners out that day) as tears streamed down.

Rewind to around two months ago, I started experiencing shortness of breath. Nothing specific brought this on, it would just happen. I could be walking to get something, or watching TV while sitting on the couch. But it never happened while running, which I thought was kind of odd. The shortness eventually turned into minutes where I felt like I was underwater. It happened more times during the day than I could keep track.

Not much longer after the shortness started happening, the chest pains came. I experienced a short period of chest pains a few years before, but they didn't quite feel like the new ones. And unlike the old pains, these were getting worse, and more frequent. The pain was stabbing, and every time I tried to breath in, it would worsen. So I could only stand there, holding my breath, until I was in the clear. This would sometimes happen a few times a day.

I stayed quiet about my symptoms for a few weeks. I thought it could have been stress or anxiety, though I couldn't really think about what I was stressed or anxious about, except for maybe Chicago, but I was more excited for that than anything. I also thought, and prayed, that they would just go away on their own, and I could continue on with life. It wasn't until after Chicago (when I thought that maybe things would have gotten better), my running club meeting, that ironically was about physiological effects of running (i.e cardiovascular), and when my mom told me to, that I went to my doctor.

After visiting the family doctor, which lead to an EKG and blood work, I was referred to a cardiologist.  Two days later, I was at the cardiologist, who's supposedly one of the best around. I don't think I've ever had a doctor that was so thorough. We spent a better part of twenty minutes talking as I answered his seemingly endless list of questions. Then the question, "Do you have any family history of heart problems?" came up. That was a doozie to answer. You see, my family, specifically my mom's side, has a rather extensive history when it comes to heart problems. Anything from PATs (paroxysmal atrial tachycardia, which causes irregular heartbeats) to a disease needing quadruple bypass surgery. I have somehow managed to go 24 years unscathed from such issues. After he took a listen around, he told me his plan. I was to come back for an echocardiogram in a couple of weeks, and he wanted me to wear a portable heart monitor for two weeks. And then the words above shot out of his mouth like a pistol. My heart sank. It was as if my parents were telling me to break up with someone I really liked.

For those who don't know, I just came off of a less-than-impressive performance at the Chicago Half Marathon. With my next half (The Spinx RunFest) scheduled at the end of October, I actually felt like I was in a great spot in my training. The Spinx Half Marathon is where I ran, and recorded a PR, my first half marathon. I love this race more than any other race. So to not be able to train for it has been a huge struggle for me. Regardless of whether or not I get to run the Spinx Half, I will be there to cheer on everyone else.

I know whatever is going on, and if anything is actually going on, that it's happening for a reason. This season is only going to make me stronger, and more appreciative, than I was before. I'm someone who firmly believes that things happen in our lives because God wants to use them to teach and shape us. And sometimes, those "things" involve something you really love and that are a big part of your life.

So as I'm sitting here typing, almost a week after my appointment, with my heart monitor strapped on (Which by the way, is a HUGE impediment on my fashion style and my social life. See ya v-necks! And don't get me started on the lovely siren noise it makes when something isn't connected right, or I bend over while it's recording. I also have to call every time I push the recording button), I'm counting down the days until I can tie my running shoes on my feet, and actually run.