Weekend of Birthdays and a Reflection

So today I found out it was my youngest fur baby's birthday. She turned 1 year old.

(Here is said fur baby. World, meet Evie.)

Not planning to celebrate until Tuesday, I scrambled to think of something special to do (because I'm a good fur baby mum like that.) Yesterday, I had taken her to the downtown dog park for the first time and she loved it. So I figured I'd take her again today, only this time, Gilli, my 5 year old terrier-mix would accompany us (kind of like a girls' night out, but with dogs, and during the day…ok, so maybe it's nothing like a girls' night out.) For those who don't live in Upstate South Carolina, it's been raining non-stop since yesterday.

(This is Gilli and me before. And yes, we were safely parked.)

Let's just say that this is what we looked like post-play at the park (and yes, we were the only ones there.)

(Evie was passed out on her car hammock. Partied a little too hard. Again, safely parked.)

Evie's birthday isn't the only event this weekend though. Tomorrow happens to be the 45th anniversary of the first moon landing….aka, my birthday (I never missed that question on history tests.) I've always loved my birthday date. Being a summer baby meant that birthday parties were relatively easy on my mum (no, I'm not British, I've just always liked calling her "Mum." I think it started after watching the live coverage Princess Diana's funeral.)

(Disclaimer: this post is about to take a bit of a turn.)

Last year, I didn't love my birthday like I had in the past. Last year was a tough year, with the summer being the toughest part. Work was hard nearly impossible, I began doubting people and the relationships I had, and worst of all, I was coming to grips that one of the most important people in my life, was about to lose his battle to a disease. It basically felt like I kept getting knocked down before I was able to get up and recover from the previous blow.

The week leading up to my birthday, my mum told me that my beloved grandfather's, RJ, life was coming to an end. I didn't want to hear it. I had already heard the same news a couple of years prior when I lost my Nana to the same disease, Alzheimer's. The news felt like it was the first time I had ever heard it. Instead of being mad that my birthday week was going to be eclipsed by such a difficult time, my heart broke for my dad. He and his father were so close (think "About Time" kind of close. If you have never seen that movie, rent it today and watch it. Oh, and have tissues.) There's so much of RJ that I see in him. I had accepted that my dad would probably leave to go to New York to be with him before my birthday, but instead, he stayed and planned to leave the morning after. When my birthday rolled around, all I wanted to do was nothing. My birthday dinner was probably the hardest part of the day. Every time my dad's phone would go off, everything around me seemed to stop, and my heart would sink a little more each time. I didn't want my future birthdays to be a reminder to my dad that it was the anniversary of his father's death. It was hard to celebrate when we were in so much pain over a loss.

My grandfather held onto life until the following night, after my parents had arrived by his bedside. My grandfather was an incredible man. There are still days that I wish he was still around. I'm currently in the process of helping my dad remodel the master bathroom, something RJ would be proud of him and me for. I almost feel like I'm close to him when I'm working on renovations. I had dreams as a little girl, dancing with him on my wedding day, because for a long time, I had all four grandparents. I didn't realize how much of a blessing having them around for as long as I did was, until I lost three.

We go through difficult times for reasons. I would not have learned some of the things that I know, if it hadn't been for the loss I had to go through. It's ok to smile when mourning. It's ok to celebrate when everything around you seems to be falling apart. And it's ok to just to cry, when you want to hold it all in and together. You don't have to have it all together. All that you need to know is that you are loved…more than you will ever understand.

Talking about my grandparents, specifically RJ, is still really hard for me. I love bragging about him, but for some odd reason, it still seems so fresh, even after a year. This is the most I have been able to talk about him. I just now was able to watch the last video I have of him and me. It's taken me over a year to watch it. I'm glad I did. I like to think that he would be proud of me. Heck, I know he is because that man exuded love for his family, even if he didn't say the words.

That all being said, I am excited for my birthday tomorrow and I can't wait to celebrate with those that I love!







Currently listening (and singing along) to this guy:

(This man sings like an angel.)

I've been following Sam Smith since way early this year. "Latch (acoustic)" is easily my favorite song, with "Stay With Me" (I cry nearly every time I hear it) following in at second. His debut album was released in the US in June. I would highly recommend you check him out if you haven't already.